Rage – (To the Point Where You Know Your Neck Vein is JUMPING…but at NOTHING)
I have got to understand why lately I can fly off the handle at nothing – I swear I can be fine and then WHAM!! PURE pissed off rage – it only lasts a few minutes – sometimes seconds. BUT WHY is it in me at all??? I really have never been one to get mad at someone unless provoked and then well you better watch out but not for no reason….now I am just sometimes angry and I feel bad about it. It always seems it is directed at the wrong most innocent people. Then I really feel that anger left in me – why am I so damn mad? It all seems to have started very recently??? What am I struggling with besides this freaking methadone?? Granted that is enough but is it because I am so uncomfortable? I know pain can make you really a bear but this is pure rage like if I did not really check myself I would just bash some ones head in – I think I need to take up boxing or kick boxing again but I am so freaking afraid that the pain would really send my body into more physical pain than I could really handle right now, but I have got to get this out of me – I cannot yell at people I love. Especially ones that only love me back and would never hurt me in a million years – never have – and would rather die before they would.
If anyone has similar issues with rage or anger who is also detoxing I would love to know – It is weird because I was raised to always stand up for yourself but like I said this is different – this is just Rage boiling in me and then it passes maybe for a day – maybe for few days….but lately I can always tell it not far from my me – almost like another layer of skin.